I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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