Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
