i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Actions speak louder than pants.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
