covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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