In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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