Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
