the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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