i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
