cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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