I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
