i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize