i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize