wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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