Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
