my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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