you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
