I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
