don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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