Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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