I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
