I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
