Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Randomize
