Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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