she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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