Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
