Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
