just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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