I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
