You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
