Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Randomize
