I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
