was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
