i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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