Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We have started to decorate penises.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
