When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
