you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
