Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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