just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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