The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The feeling are messing with the penis
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
