well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
