Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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