How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
