There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize