Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I could fuck to npr.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
