Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
