Don't you send me to vm
I hate all girls vehemently.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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