My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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