My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
