never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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