I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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