There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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