the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Randomize
