i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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