Don't you send me to vm
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
