you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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