is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
