Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
All I want is dick and wine.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
