I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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