I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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