my phone needs a breathalizer
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
