In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize