Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
