I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
