There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
A bitchslap is in order.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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