Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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