I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
