you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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