I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
