I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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