The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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