So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
