Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
