Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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